This quote is resonant right now as I'm reminded of the growth and pains and all the dang feelings I'm allowing myself to experience, and the wide variety of humans with whom I'm currently in contact who rouse these feelings. I'm especially grateful for all of you...all of them...all of the potentially toxic interactions where I choose to stay in integrity. Each one is a reminder of how far I've come, how far I've yet to go, and how much love I have to give...even to the hurt & lasher-outers. Especially to the hurt & lasher-outers. Thank you. "Be here now, even if the thought absolutely terrifies you. Don’t check out. Don’t go back to sleep. The world desperately needs you — it needs your talents, your passion, your ideas, your voice. Yes, these are hard times, dark times, strange times. Yet, something wonderful and raw is rumbling and singing and coming back to life. I can feel it brushing my face just moments before I wake up in the morning. I can feel it when I focus on stories that nurture and enrich my life, instead of on those that deplete me." ~Shavawn M. Berry |
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This might be a little long for those with short attention spans...but here ya go anyway.
A little while ago today I posted a picture of Cargokitty with various hashtags referring to the storm & leafy gutters, including #cluelesslandlord. I wanted to delete my post immediately because of how crappy I felt right after using that hashtag publicly. Then I decided to keep the post live to motivate myself to share and own my process & feelings, which might be helpful to someone on their journey. If that could be you, please read on! I noticed some ugly old feelings associated with my use of "clueless," ghosts of a past Self who would often try to gather little teams of haters, with the common goal of shaming and isolating someone, as a (really gross) temporary way to feel better about my Self-hating Self... like if I could recruit another Team Hater member to laugh at someone else's way of being (or not being) that was different from mine/ours, then we could share in that laughter and isolating that person, and I would feel a temporary bond with that recruited teammate, triumphant in that fleeting connection. This behavior felt bad today because of how much it is not in alignment with my Self-Loving Self, and I clearly see now that my past Self was seeking attention in really unhealthy ways. The past Self attention-seeking was coming from a place of fear and scarcity, as though the other person/people with whom I was wanting connection didn't have the space or bandwidth to also give me the attention I was wanting/needing AND attention to the person I chose to isolate. If they picked me over them, and joined my team of haters, I would suddenly feel victorious, & that they would only give the other person their negative attention. I'm aware of a small handful of interactions I currently have with some people who rouse these ghosts from the grave, and I noticed today's coming alive after reading a particularly snarky handful of comments regarding bikes vs. cars. I'm also noticing the common traits among the people who I've identified as stimulators of the past Self's habits (which doesn't feel productive or necessary to share here). My recurring lessons: ~ I love attention! There are healthy ways to feel loved and attended to by people who love me and have space for my big, sometimes intense, enthusiastic Self. ~The people who think it's funny when I'm a jerk are feeding the demons! It could be healthy to maintain some distance from them until it's easier to find my Now Self in their presence than default to the ghosts of Past Self ~I have no idea where someone is on their journey or in their life so either keep it shut or speak up if I think something needs to change (perhaps ask the landlady about getting the gutters cleaned prior to a big storm instead of assuming negligence). ~Stay gentle with myself, even when I see the old ways coming back to the surface. I am a beautifully imperfect work-in-progress and its okay to slip sometimes. If you made it this far, thank you! I appreciate you for sharing this journey with me. Looking for different ways to support local business and a rad Useful Human Coach this season?
Treat yourself and/or loved ones to more strength, usefulness, & love in the world! Use the PayPal button below to Buy Now, or email me at [email protected] for more information. I look forward to meeting you, wherever you are, on your journey to strength & movement! These discounts will be available ONLY from Monday December 1 at 12:01 am - Friday December 5 at 11:59 pm for new, existing*, and past clients! *Existing group clients can take advantage of the one-on-one discount only ;) <3 Yo! Looking for different ways to support local community-builders and a certain Useful Human Coach this season while treating yourself (and/or loved ones) to experiencing your own strength & usefulness in the world? Consider some one-on-one life-changing/perspective-challenging Useful Human Training sessions with me, Alexandra F. Williams. :) A super-rad seasonal discount will be dropping soon with a link to directly purchase personal training sessions in singles or in bulk quantities... Treat yoself! TO THE SENSITIVE ONES
Do not be ashamed of your sensitivity! It has brought you many riches. You see what others cannot see, Feel what others are ashamed to feel. You are more open, less numb. You find it harder to turn a blind eye. You have not closed your heart, in spite of everything. You are able to hold the most intense highs and the darkest lows in your loving embrace. (You know that neither define you. Everything passes through. You are a cosmic vessel.) Celebrate your sensitivity! It has kept you flexible and open. You have remained close to wonder. And awareness burns brightly in you. Don't compare yourself with others. Don't expect them to understand. But teach them: It’s okay to feel, deeply. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to play on the raw edge of life. Life may seem ‘harder’ for you at times, And often you are close to overwhelm. But it’s harder still to repress your overwhelming gifts. Sensitive ones, Bring some gentleness into this weary world! Shine on with courageous sensitivity! You are the light bearers! - Jeff Foster If you want to reduce stress, anxiety, and judgment in the world, here are some helpful things to remember:
1. Losing weight/"leaning up"/slimming down/getting "toned"/looking ONE SPECIFIC, SMALL, STANDARD WAY are not universal goals* (especially for women)! 2. Chocolate/fries/ice cream/other non-vegetables aren't everyone's "cheat meals." Some people (ME, for example) just eat whatever the fuck they want WHENEVER the fuck they want. Mmmmmm tastes like freedom...and lots of delicious calories. 3. Any genre of fueling that is followed by the word "diet" is a MARKETING GIMMICK designed to make you feel too big, bad about yourself and your choices, and make you waste a bunch of money on crap you don't need by corporations convincing you that you don't know what's best for you already. 4. Use what works, discard what doesn't. 5. Useful & compassionate mind-heart-bodies are the sexiest, most intriguing damn things on the planet. 6. Everyone wants to be heard, seen, loved, and appreciated, even if they hide behind their imaginary & real protective fortresses sometimes (or all the times). 7. Identify your needs and make requests (not demands) to get them met. 8. Take responsibility for your feelings. 9. You cannot control or predict someone's experience; you can only contribute to it. 10. To reach clarity: ask as many questions as necessary & listen to the answers. 11. You are always in choice (and therefore, in a position of power)! 12. Love! Generously, abundantly, exuberantly, and with as much enthusiasm as you want to, always! *If you goal IS to be small(er), ask yourself why. Then answer. Then ask yourself why again. Then answer... And on and on and on until you've realized what's underneath that original idea of how you think your body needs to be. Things that are swirling about in this wonderfully creative headspace o'mine lately:
~ a collaborative meal based on recipes from the vegetarian cookbook Plenty by Yotam Ottolenghi ~ commissioned bookbinding ~ energy-exchange personal training ~ bike camping! ~ what it feels like to write a love letter to a dear friend, and seeing how much of myself is reflected in its sweetness ~ how exposed I feel when that love letter is (eventually) sent to the intended recipient ~ growing things in jars & eating the results ~ Cargokitty ~ 365-photos project ~ the number of hands involved in the production of various foods & other goods ~ quantum entanglement ~ accepting the unknown ~ where I'll be in 5 months...12 months... 5 years... Dear Community!
I'm here to be completely honest and vulnerable with you right now in asking for what I need most, in this moment, to support myself & to show up in the world, doing the work that I do: I Need Three Personal Training Clients.* My morning group is thriving, but that alone does not pay the bills. If you've wanted to start working out again, &/or are feeling curious about what happens in our gym sessions after seeing photos of my clients being really strong & awesome, or you just need some guidance for your current routine to stay on track, I'M YOUR GAL! *If you're so inclined, here are ways that you can help: 1. Sign up for Personal Training sessions 2. Sign up for Life Coaching or Nutrition Guidance sessions 3. Schedule a portrait session 4. Schedule a cooking class 5. Book my couch on Air BnB (see comments for the link to my listing) 6. Write a testimonial (PM or comment or text!) if you have good experiences with me for 1-3 7. Share this status with your people 8. Put me in touch with someone who wants/needs 1-5 9. Consider me for other things you need help with 10. Send vibrations & thoughts of $/energetic abundance my way! Please help me continue to share my loving, supportive energy, enthusiasm, & (athletic) experience with this community now & in the future...desks and 9-5ers are no places for THIS mind/body! I have so much gratitude & love for you all Many, many thank yous & hugs in advance! ::: staying positive that this ask will bring me what I need! ::: 530.363.5100 [email protected] Walk-outs + partial squats (aka "partials") prepare the body with (REALLY) heavy loads, putting more weight than usual on the spine (and everything); they let the athlete practice stepping or shuffling, with tremendous "Oh %*#@!" effort, out of the rack, with everything engaged, ready to squat. They also prepare the mind for heavy single-rep max-effort squats, which is important to experience, especially before a powerlifting competition, like the one Sarah is training for in November!
Walk-outs + partials are some of my favorite ways to experience my body's capacity for moving under a massive load. Not being squished while standing (and moving backward & forward) with all that weight pressing upon my everything is quite an unusual & interesting experience. I particularly enjoy the lightness I feel once I get to put the bar back in the rack; each step feels like like I'm going to float away into the sky if I'm not careful! This past weekend, I joined a bike caravan/camping adventure from Davis to Hoes Down at Full Belly Farm.
17 of us (six of us being female-identified people...not the best ratio, but better than the state-average of 4:1!) rode 42 miles there from Davis in the dry, 98-degree October weather. Our happy-halfway was at a convenience store in Esparto, where I discovered, through the help of a friend, my new favorite energy drink: Bud Limerita! I found it to be the perfect combination of salt, sugar, and *ahem* hydrating fluid to keep my energy up for the last 20 miles to the farm. THUS, I didn't bonk! It's hard for me to eat much solid food during a ride like that; usually just a small handful of nuts or a PayDay bar is all I can stomach, so finding ways to keep the calories (energy) and electrolytes coming in is essential. Even though the weather wasn't ideal for a moderately-paced, 84-mile (round-trip) tour of the valley, it was an excellent last-minute choice for me to join this adventure. I got the experience of exerting a LOT of energy on a repetitive physical activity, which, it turns out, is GREAT for processing emotions! A good friend of mine likened long bike rides to EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing), because of the left-right brain continuous movement & stimulation, and how the brain and chemicals are involved in it, and other science (I invite anyone who is more versed on EMDR to chime in here!)! I had to focus on moving forward and arriving at our destination, despite the discomfort I was experiencing in my body from being on the bike for so long, in the hot, hot heat. (There's some metaphor happening in there?) Eventually, the farm was just around the corner, within eyesight, while it was still daylight, and I already knew I could do it again the next day. If you're ever going through an emotionally challenging situation that sometimes comes up in this life journey thing we're all on, I *highly* recommend taking some time to yourself or with a friend (or 16 friends) and going on a bike tour. Or backpacking. Or trail running. Or swimming. Or just for a really, really long walk. You don't even have to talk about the past trauma or emotional thing that's hurting you, just go do the physical thing, and let your body take care of the rest. It's so, so cathartic. <3 |